It's been a while, I know. I can't seem to find the time to sit down and reflect, but I promise to get better (that kinda sounds like a broken record huh?) Life has been super fast these days. I'm really loving being home with my girls, it's been so much fun to have all this time with Elliette at the start. That being said, I am in no way ready to go back to work. I cringe at the thought that in a few weeks I'll have to leave them both and go to work every morning. How did I do this with Harper? It seems much more difficult this time around.
Medically, I'm the same ole pain filled person. Where to start? Well to sum it up it goes back to January. Thats when I was originally diagnosed with Biliary GallBladder Disease. They gave me a super strict diet to follow because surgery was not an option for me since I was in my third trimester. I followed their diet, but two weeks before Elle arrived I began to have serious pain, that would not go away with pain meds. They asked me to again - wait two weeks for Elle to grow a little more. After she arrived, the pain was still there. So they asked me to do all these tests, CAT scan, HIDA scan, bloodwork, etc. They come back clean. So after waiting a few more weeks, I am then diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and put on a medicine that will take a month to work. After a month an a half (because the doctor took a two week vacation) the medicine still isn't working. So now they are sending me to a new doctor. It's going to take another month and a half to get into this doc. I'm feeling so defeated. Will this pain ever go away? I'm beginning to think it won't. My willpower is not enough anymore, I'm just ready to feel like a normal person again.
On a brighter note - My friend Valerie is getting married this week. I'm super excited!! I'm in need of a night out and I know it will be so much fun. I can't wait to celebrate!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Happy Mother's Day
These last few weeks have been unbearably difficult in my world. Not only did I add more responsibility to myself, but I added it at a time when I was not physically able meet my expectations. Being a mommy is not an easy job - Oprah often says it's the most difficult job on the planet. I would agree with her. My mom does it with unbelievable grace. This post is for her.
Being the baby of the family is often a fun place to be. The automatic attention that comes with this place in the role of siblings can come in handy (you babies of the family know exactly what I'm talking about). I think my mom and I can connect on a special level because we are both babies. It hasn't always been an easy road, I don't think any mother/daughter relationship is easy. Too many hormones to go around :) In honor of Mother's Day I've decided to make a list of the things that are special about my Mom. (You know how much I love lists).
10. She makes the best food (most of the time, ha). There is something about the way your mom makes a dish that you always think it's the best. For example, no one can touch my mom's pork roast and sauerkraut or her texas sheet cake.
9. She can make me feel better instantly. She knows by the look on my face or in my eye exactly what I need to hear. Not even Jon has learned to master this trick. I have no idea how she does it - must be lots of practice.
8. She loves my girls like no one else on the planet. Enough said.
7. She appreciates the small things in life. She doesn't need material things to make her happy or have a good time. Some of my fondest childhood memories involve silly things like long car rides or watching her attempt Jane Fonda's "grapevine" on a workout video.
6. My mother is the queen of rearranging furniture. She does it all the time. When I was a kid you would leave the house with your room looking one way and when you got home - it looked completely different. Now that I think about it, my mom must be the original inspiration for all those shows on HGTV. When I think I can't get a room to look right - just ask mom, she can arrange anything to make it cute and functional!
5. My mom handles change like a champ. I think life has thrown some pretty nasty things at my mother, and every SINGLE time she comes out with a grace I can only hope to imitate someday. That woman is seriously a rock in all circumstances.
4. She is a quiet stubborn person. She will eventually get her way - and you won't even know until it's happened. Criss Angel has nothing on my mother. You might be thinking - how is that a good thing. Ever heard of the quote "Mother knows best"? Well 99% of the time, whether I see it or not, my mother knows best. And if she wasn't so stubborn who knows where I'd be.
3. She is firmly rooted in her faith. She exhibits the kind of love and fervor for her God like no one I know. What a great example I've had in life, even when I didn't always appreciate it.
2. She believes in me, through and through. She believes in my brother and sister too. She would never pitt us against each other or show favoritism to one over the other. She loves us each individually and equally for what we each bring into her life. No matter what we throw at her - she loves us unconditionally. She loves our spouses unconditionally, and our children are the light of her life. There is no other gift in the world that could match that.
1. My mother is my hero. She's not perfect, she's human. She lives her life the best she knows how. She makes mistakes, she recovers from them. She loves her family and her God. There is not a doubt in my mind I would NOT have been able to survive this last month without my mother.
From the bottom of my heart Mom, Thank You for being the beautiful person I know you to be. I only hope to be half the mom you are to me. I love you! Happy Mother's Day!
Being the baby of the family is often a fun place to be. The automatic attention that comes with this place in the role of siblings can come in handy (you babies of the family know exactly what I'm talking about). I think my mom and I can connect on a special level because we are both babies. It hasn't always been an easy road, I don't think any mother/daughter relationship is easy. Too many hormones to go around :) In honor of Mother's Day I've decided to make a list of the things that are special about my Mom. (You know how much I love lists).
10. She makes the best food (most of the time, ha). There is something about the way your mom makes a dish that you always think it's the best. For example, no one can touch my mom's pork roast and sauerkraut or her texas sheet cake.
9. She can make me feel better instantly. She knows by the look on my face or in my eye exactly what I need to hear. Not even Jon has learned to master this trick. I have no idea how she does it - must be lots of practice.
8. She loves my girls like no one else on the planet. Enough said.
7. She appreciates the small things in life. She doesn't need material things to make her happy or have a good time. Some of my fondest childhood memories involve silly things like long car rides or watching her attempt Jane Fonda's "grapevine" on a workout video.
6. My mother is the queen of rearranging furniture. She does it all the time. When I was a kid you would leave the house with your room looking one way and when you got home - it looked completely different. Now that I think about it, my mom must be the original inspiration for all those shows on HGTV. When I think I can't get a room to look right - just ask mom, she can arrange anything to make it cute and functional!
5. My mom handles change like a champ. I think life has thrown some pretty nasty things at my mother, and every SINGLE time she comes out with a grace I can only hope to imitate someday. That woman is seriously a rock in all circumstances.
4. She is a quiet stubborn person. She will eventually get her way - and you won't even know until it's happened. Criss Angel has nothing on my mother. You might be thinking - how is that a good thing. Ever heard of the quote "Mother knows best"? Well 99% of the time, whether I see it or not, my mother knows best. And if she wasn't so stubborn who knows where I'd be.
3. She is firmly rooted in her faith. She exhibits the kind of love and fervor for her God like no one I know. What a great example I've had in life, even when I didn't always appreciate it.
2. She believes in me, through and through. She believes in my brother and sister too. She would never pitt us against each other or show favoritism to one over the other. She loves us each individually and equally for what we each bring into her life. No matter what we throw at her - she loves us unconditionally. She loves our spouses unconditionally, and our children are the light of her life. There is no other gift in the world that could match that.
1. My mother is my hero. She's not perfect, she's human. She lives her life the best she knows how. She makes mistakes, she recovers from them. She loves her family and her God. There is not a doubt in my mind I would NOT have been able to survive this last month without my mother.
From the bottom of my heart Mom, Thank You for being the beautiful person I know you to be. I only hope to be half the mom you are to me. I love you! Happy Mother's Day!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Royal Madness!
It should come as no surprise I've consumed myself in the royal wedding madness. Elliette and I were up at three a.m. watching the all the coverage. Now, granted the baby woke me up to eat, but I probably would have set an alarm if I had not had one in a crib a few feet from my bed. As I'm watching the wedding (for the third time, pathetic I know) a list of things have popped in my head. Some questions, some statements, but I thought - why not write them down. So for your reading pleasure, here is my internal commentary on the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge:
1. Prince William is nearly bald at 28. Poor guy. I wonder if he'll get hair plugs or something.He looks much more handsome with a hat for sure.
2. I now know that Kate was born in January, which makes her a few months older than William.
3. For the longest time the names I had picked out for my "kids" were Will and Kate. So glad I didn't go with that now. not that I still don't like the names. When we first got married, Jon loved the name Cullen for a boy if we ever had one, and I'm glad we didn't use that either because people would assume we used the names for famous figures instead of why we originally picked them.
4. At the end of the ceremony everyone in the church sings the British national anthem "God Save the Queen", two thoughts on this. a - the queen did not sing at all, I wonder why?
b - will their national anthem change to "God Save the King" when Charles takes the throne?
5. I absolutely LOVED LOVED LOVED Kate's wedding dress. Even if her arms didn't have to be covered I think the dress is still perfect, I loved the lace overlay. So classic and beautiful. Her sister - although just as beautiful, in no way stole the spotlight like some people suggest, Kate was gorgeous!
6. I think American women should wear more hats.
7. I loved the trees in Westminster Abbey. What a beautiful way to decorate such an ornate space.
8. I think I would rather hang out with Harry than William. He seems more down to earth.
9. Every time William salutes, Kate bows her head - I wonder why?
10. The two of them were absolutely beaming when they stepped out on the balcony!
Too fun! I'm glad they got married and gave me something to distract myself with. Thank You Wills and Kate!
1. Prince William is nearly bald at 28. Poor guy. I wonder if he'll get hair plugs or something.He looks much more handsome with a hat for sure.
2. I now know that Kate was born in January, which makes her a few months older than William.
3. For the longest time the names I had picked out for my "kids" were Will and Kate. So glad I didn't go with that now. not that I still don't like the names. When we first got married, Jon loved the name Cullen for a boy if we ever had one, and I'm glad we didn't use that either because people would assume we used the names for famous figures instead of why we originally picked them.
4. At the end of the ceremony everyone in the church sings the British national anthem "God Save the Queen", two thoughts on this. a - the queen did not sing at all, I wonder why?
b - will their national anthem change to "God Save the King" when Charles takes the throne?
5. I absolutely LOVED LOVED LOVED Kate's wedding dress. Even if her arms didn't have to be covered I think the dress is still perfect, I loved the lace overlay. So classic and beautiful. Her sister - although just as beautiful, in no way stole the spotlight like some people suggest, Kate was gorgeous!
6. I think American women should wear more hats.
7. I loved the trees in Westminster Abbey. What a beautiful way to decorate such an ornate space.
8. I think I would rather hang out with Harry than William. He seems more down to earth.
9. Every time William salutes, Kate bows her head - I wonder why?
10. The two of them were absolutely beaming when they stepped out on the balcony!
Too fun! I'm glad they got married and gave me something to distract myself with. Thank You Wills and Kate!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I would like off this ride now, please!
I will begin by saying that God blessed our lives on April 15th, at 2:14 p.m. with the birth of our second daughter, Elliette Hope. My labor was so much better this time around than it was with Harper. I dilated much more quickly, the epidural worked, and her entry to the world was the most peaceful and heart wrenching moment I've had in my life in the last month. I couldn't be more thankful for that moment, I feel truly blessed.
In the days that have followed Elliette's birth I've been a busy, busy girl. Since I had so many complications prior to the birth with what they think might be gallbladder issues, I've been to the doctor many times. Harper was quite the fussy baby, my pediatrician convinced me that nursing was a better route to go this time around. With nursing comes a whole new range of emotions and trials. Thankfully on Monday, Elliette finally gained weight and we don't have to go back to the doctor every other day to weigh her. :) On Monday I also had a CAT scan done to check out all my abdominal organs. My general surgeon is wondering if my gallbladder is to blame in this on slot of never ending pain, she wanted to rule out several things at once. We go back in one week to learn the results. I've told Jon many times that I don't want there to be anything wrong, but I'm tired of living in a medical fog.
This morning, after a rough night with the baby, my mom came over to help Jon and I get some sleep. I woke up a few hours later with serious chills, I was in so much pain, everything hurt. I thought it was just exhaustion, Elle was literally up every 45 mins, shortly after lunch the chills had not gone away, so I decided to take my temp. Unfortunately, I had a really high fever. Jon called our doctor, who made us drive in to see her. After an unexpected afternoon in our OBGYN's office, the conclusion is that I have a uterine infection. My doctor said that since the uterus has so many blood vessels attached to it, infections spread quickly though the body. It's extremely painful. Thankfully I did NOT have to return to the hospital. I swear that place should give us a permanent room. She prescribed antibiotics, that should hopefully clear up my infection soon.
Although we've not made an official decision, all my doctors have told Jon and I that they highly recommend us not having any more children. My little body just can't handle another pregnancy. I know I am very blessed to have a healthy baby girl, I thank God daily for both of my girls. But this roller coaster ride has gone on long enough. I'm ready for it to stop and let me off. I feel like my body is falling apart and as much as I try I can't do anything to make it heal faster. I hope the fog will soon begin to clear and life will resume again as normally as possible.
In the days that have followed Elliette's birth I've been a busy, busy girl. Since I had so many complications prior to the birth with what they think might be gallbladder issues, I've been to the doctor many times. Harper was quite the fussy baby, my pediatrician convinced me that nursing was a better route to go this time around. With nursing comes a whole new range of emotions and trials. Thankfully on Monday, Elliette finally gained weight and we don't have to go back to the doctor every other day to weigh her. :) On Monday I also had a CAT scan done to check out all my abdominal organs. My general surgeon is wondering if my gallbladder is to blame in this on slot of never ending pain, she wanted to rule out several things at once. We go back in one week to learn the results. I've told Jon many times that I don't want there to be anything wrong, but I'm tired of living in a medical fog.
This morning, after a rough night with the baby, my mom came over to help Jon and I get some sleep. I woke up a few hours later with serious chills, I was in so much pain, everything hurt. I thought it was just exhaustion, Elle was literally up every 45 mins, shortly after lunch the chills had not gone away, so I decided to take my temp. Unfortunately, I had a really high fever. Jon called our doctor, who made us drive in to see her. After an unexpected afternoon in our OBGYN's office, the conclusion is that I have a uterine infection. My doctor said that since the uterus has so many blood vessels attached to it, infections spread quickly though the body. It's extremely painful. Thankfully I did NOT have to return to the hospital. I swear that place should give us a permanent room. She prescribed antibiotics, that should hopefully clear up my infection soon.
Although we've not made an official decision, all my doctors have told Jon and I that they highly recommend us not having any more children. My little body just can't handle another pregnancy. I know I am very blessed to have a healthy baby girl, I thank God daily for both of my girls. But this roller coaster ride has gone on long enough. I'm ready for it to stop and let me off. I feel like my body is falling apart and as much as I try I can't do anything to make it heal faster. I hope the fog will soon begin to clear and life will resume again as normally as possible.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Anticipation
Friday is the big day, Elliette is on the schedule to arrive on her Aunt Sierra's birthday. I am very thankful to have the pregnancy come to an end. I feel like her arrival has had a shadow cast against it because of all my pain issues. We are making final preparations and getting our little home ready for her big arrival.
I finally settled on a middle name - I think. :) The last time I was well enough to go to church we had a reading that stood out like a red alarm to me. I felt it was the confirmation I'd been looking for. Jon hasn't ruled it out, and thankfully he's been such a trooper with me on the couch zoned out most of the time. Here it is Romans 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope"
Elliette Hope, your Daddy and I (and your big sister) are excited to meet you. For Mommy, it can't come soon enough!
I finally settled on a middle name - I think. :) The last time I was well enough to go to church we had a reading that stood out like a red alarm to me. I felt it was the confirmation I'd been looking for. Jon hasn't ruled it out, and thankfully he's been such a trooper with me on the couch zoned out most of the time. Here it is Romans 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope"
Elliette Hope, your Daddy and I (and your big sister) are excited to meet you. For Mommy, it can't come soon enough!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
What's next?
I'm not quite sure what life lesson I'm supposed to be learning with this pregnancy. As I lie here in the hospital for the second night in a row I can't help but wonder "why me"? As I woke up Thursday morning with severe pain, throwing up I knew I was having another gall bladder attack. I took my medication, but an hour later I felt the same. I've spent the last two days in the hospital with pain, they are pretty sure my gall bladder is to blame, but options of treatment are limited.
At this point I'm exhausted, I'm still in pain, and I'm ready for an ordinary day in the life of the Binkley family.
At this point I'm exhausted, I'm still in pain, and I'm ready for an ordinary day in the life of the Binkley family.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I never thought I'd say this
But, we now own a cat. Yes, you read that correctly. I, Kali Binkley, agreed to get a cat. For those that don't know me, I will admit I hate (yes I used the word hate) cats. I don't like anything about them. Thanks to an evil cat named Truman I somewhat fear cats. You might be asking yourself, then why did you get one? I'll be honest, I'm starting to think the same thing!
It all started a few weeks ago when the weather got warmer. We live in a quiet neighborhood and our house backs up to some woods. Well, with land comes little critters. If there is anything on this earth I hate more than cats, it's mice and snakes. Why do they all have to be part of the same food chain? We started hearing signs that the little critters were finding their way to our house. Jon quickly suggested getting an outdoor cat to help. I was a bit reluctant, but after some time and serious discussion about my involvement with the thing, I agreed.
We took little Harper to our local animal shelter today to see what was out there. We started in the adult cat room. I should clarify by saying that Jon and Harper started in that room. I watched from the hallway. She was like a kid at Disney World! It kinda broke my heart, ha! She had so much fun petting them and chasing them. I tried to get her to go in the puppy room, and she screamed and cried. She is definitely her daddy's girl. Then all three of us moved to the kitten room. I had one hand on the doorknob at all times. Jon found a really quiet and gentle cat. He tried to provoke it or get it to bite or scratch him. She just sat there. We took her to the desk to ask a few questions. We quickly learned her name was Dora. It really was a sign.
Dora now belongs to the Binkley's. She is strictly an outdoor only cat, but I'm pretty pleased with her attitude towards Harper. Jon knows I won't be to involved with it much and I hope she starts trapping little critters soon!
It all started a few weeks ago when the weather got warmer. We live in a quiet neighborhood and our house backs up to some woods. Well, with land comes little critters. If there is anything on this earth I hate more than cats, it's mice and snakes. Why do they all have to be part of the same food chain? We started hearing signs that the little critters were finding their way to our house. Jon quickly suggested getting an outdoor cat to help. I was a bit reluctant, but after some time and serious discussion about my involvement with the thing, I agreed.
We took little Harper to our local animal shelter today to see what was out there. We started in the adult cat room. I should clarify by saying that Jon and Harper started in that room. I watched from the hallway. She was like a kid at Disney World! It kinda broke my heart, ha! She had so much fun petting them and chasing them. I tried to get her to go in the puppy room, and she screamed and cried. She is definitely her daddy's girl. Then all three of us moved to the kitten room. I had one hand on the doorknob at all times. Jon found a really quiet and gentle cat. He tried to provoke it or get it to bite or scratch him. She just sat there. We took her to the desk to ask a few questions. We quickly learned her name was Dora. It really was a sign.
Dora now belongs to the Binkley's. She is strictly an outdoor only cat, but I'm pretty pleased with her attitude towards Harper. Jon knows I won't be to involved with it much and I hope she starts trapping little critters soon!
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