Defeated

It's been a while, I know. I can't seem to find the time to sit down and reflect, but I promise to get better (that kinda sounds like a broken record huh?) Life has been super fast these days. I'm really loving being home with my girls, it's been so much fun to have all this time with Elliette at the start. That being said, I am in no way ready to go back to work. I cringe at the thought that in a few weeks I'll have to leave them both and go to work every morning. How did I do this with Harper? It seems much more difficult this time around.

Medically, I'm the same ole pain filled person. Where to start? Well to sum it up it goes back to January. Thats when I was originally diagnosed with Biliary GallBladder Disease. They gave me a super strict diet to follow because surgery was not an option for me since I was in my third trimester. I followed their diet, but two weeks before Elle arrived I began to have serious pain, that would not go away with pain meds. They asked me to again - wait two weeks for Elle to grow a little more. After she arrived, the pain was still there. So they asked me to do all these tests, CAT scan, HIDA scan, bloodwork, etc. They come back clean. So after waiting a few more weeks, I am then diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and put on a medicine that will take a month to work. After a month an a half (because the doctor took a two week vacation) the medicine still isn't working. So now they are sending me to a new doctor. It's going to take another month and a half to get into this doc. I'm feeling so defeated. Will this pain ever go away? I'm beginning to think it won't. My willpower is not enough anymore, I'm just ready to feel like a normal person again.

On a brighter note - My friend Valerie is getting married this week. I'm super excited!! I'm in need of a night out and I know it will be so much fun. I can't wait to celebrate!