Heartbroken

This week has been full of emotions. A very dear friend of mine suffered the kind of loss no mother should. While I lay here tonight my heart breaks for her. You wish you could come up with words to comfort, but you know that nothing will make her hurt go away. I will instead send this message into the world.

William and Abraham, your mom and dad loved you for every moment of your life. I know how proud they were of both of you. I will tell you there are many, many people today who are proud of them too. I hope they know how much they are loved.

eMINTS, Updates and Nesting!

Last week my 4th grade team was very fortunate to get to attend the eMINTS Winter Conference in Columbia. We were able to attend all three days -which is incredible considering there are 7 sections of 4th grade and we were all gone for three days in a row! Being gone does have it's downfalls though. Sub plans are just so much work!! When you literally have to write down everything (and I mean everything) you do for three days in a row, it takes some time and organization. How did I make it 8 weeks? The thought of doing plans for 4 weeks right now seems daunting and overwhelming! We had a great time and learned so much. I secretly love going to these conferences because as a teacher you rarely get to hear of all the things other people are doing in their classrooms. It's such a treat to get to network! Plus - you get more than 25 minutes to eat lunch! :)

Baby Elliette is still growing! We had an ultrasound on Monday (we get one every 4 weeks now!) and her growth is normal. I'm a little freaked out at the moment because according to the ultrasound she is weighing in at a whooping 4.5 pounds (that's the 85th percentile people)! I fully plan on letting my doctor know that I will NOT push out a 10 pound baby. I know ultrasounds can be pretty inaccurate too, so I'm praying that she's not too big! The gallbladder is still flaring up every now and then when I eat a little too much fat or something tomato based. Most of the time I'm just really nauseous so the not eating doesn't bother me too much. My insulin levels have stayed in the ranges they've told me to keep them in (minus a few random flukes that left me in a tizzy, but all seems to be back to normal). My doctor did agree to induce me at 39 weeks (April 25) if I don't have her before then. Mainly because I think she knows how miserable I am. ha!

I've definitely started nesting. Maybe a better term for it would be FREAKING OUT. I feel like there is still so much to do before the new baby is here and I just can't seem to find the time to do it! I'm still on the hunt for bedding, and we really need to go through Harper's clothes and weed them out. I keep telling myself "someday" but pretty soon I'm going to be in labor and Jon's going to be digging the baby mattress out of the attic!

I hope the next few weeks bring a little less crazy in our lives, hopefully we can get some rest before this train takes us on the newborn ride all over again! What were we thinking?

Uplifted

I've never been very good at hiding my mood. It's no secret to my friends and especially my husband. ha! Sometimes I truly think the ride of life becomes just plain overwhelming. As women, we are asked to juggle so many things and do it all with a smile on our face. We are asked to succeed at our career, look beautiful, raise our children, keep a clean and tidy house, fix and clean up dinner, gosh the list could go on forever right?

Then when something happens in life that becomes difficult we are often looked to for strength and expected to handle the situation with grace. What am I, Superwoman? If you've kept up with my blog you know that recently our pregnancy has taken some dips and turns. The changes that have had to happen so rapidly in my life have made my mood so low! (Maybe it' s the absence of starch, haha). Please understand I am well aware my situation is not nearly as bad as others have had or are having. Which I think in turn makes my mood worse because now, on top of feeling sorry for myself I have a guilty feeling. I've been desperately searching for an inner peace that will carry me for the next 12 weeks. Yesterday, I got just what I had been praying for.

After picking up Harper from our sitter, I was listening to the radio when one of my favorite songs came on the radio. As I sang along I realized the words were a gift right to my heart. As the tears flowed down my face, the peace I'd been asking for came all at once.

"I will Rise" (Chris Tomlin)

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I will Rise, when he calls my name

No more sorrow, No more pain

I will Rise on eagle's wings

Before my God, fall on my knees

And Rise

I will Rise

There's a day that's drawing near

When this darkness breaks to light

And the shadows disappear

And my faith shall be my eyes

I am not SuperWoman, but I can do this. I hope some of the lyrics leave you feeling as uplifted as I felt.

Recovery

What a week it's been at the Binkley household! This week was filled with ups and downs and to be perfectly honest, I'm glad it's over! The story is long, please bare with me!

Between your 24 -28 week of pregnancy your doctor will have you go in and take a glucose tolerance test. This is the general way of checking to make sure your body can properly process sugar. If you fail and your numbers are borderline then you go back and do a three hour glucose challenge test. This is what I had to do with Harper - and the three hour test came back fine. Woo hoo! So last Saturday I went to get my one hour glucose test done. On Tuesday, I got the call from my doctor that said I had again failed the one hour test, but this time my numbers were way to0 high. She diagnosed me with gestational diabetes. Now while this felt really heavy and daunting for a day or so, after talking with my doctor she reassured me that this more than likely genetic disposition (my dad's a diabetic) can be controlled through diet changes and that the risks to my baby are minimum as long as I can manage my blood sugar. I was feeling much more at ease. We set up an appointment next week to meet with a dietician where they will educate me on how to manage it all.

On Wednesday evening, after dinner I began experiencing strange pains in my upper abdomen. I knew they weren't labor pains or stretching pains. To be honest it felt like severe heartburn. So I drank water, laid on my side, and ate some Tums. The pain finally died down around 3:30 a.m. I was scheduled to see my doctor on Thursday afternoon but I went ahead and called her to tell her about these strange pains. She sent me to labor and delivery to be tested for Toxemia (which from my understanding is high blood pressure). While there, the nurse concluded I'd probably just pulled a muscle, it would be fine. My toxemia test came back negative, but my doctor ordered a scan of my gall bladder just to be sure I didn't have gall stones. Unfortunately it was after 5 and the radiology department at my hospital was closed (please note the sarcasm). So I had to go back to the hospital Friday to scan my gall bladder. Again, unfortunately no one informed me that I wasn't supposed to eat before this test. So I fought tooth and nail with the radiology department Friday morning to scan me on Friday so I wouldn't have to wait. They agreed to see me at 4, but after the scan of course told me I wouldn't know anything until Monday because it was Friday after 4 (please note the sarcasm again). So - still in pain (yeah tylenol did nothing) I went home - again.

Jon had scheduled his annual bird hunting trip this weekend. So he went ahead and left and my mom packed up her bags to stay with me. He was very reassuring that if anything changed or went wrong he would come right home, but at this point we all thought it would be Monday before I knew anything - what point was there in him staying and watching me suffer? Friday night the pain became so intense I couldn't deal with it. I'd made up my mind to call the OB department again to hopefully get some help. The nurse was sooo kind. She was able to read my scan from earlier that afternoon (thanks again radiology) and my gall bladder did not contain stones, my pancreas was fine and my liver looked healthy. At this point I didn't care if the yellow brick road showed up outside my door to take me to the land of Oz - I just wanted relief! She paged my doctor who told me to go to the ER. When you live an hour away from the hospital you want your trip to be worth it. So My mom and I loaded up in the car and made the trek to Jeff City. My poor sleepy sister came to my house to watch Harper (you're the best!).

I kid you not - in less than 5 minutes the ER doctor diagnosed me with gull bladder disease. It took two presses on my abdomen and back (and me flying off the table in pain) for him to conclude that although I don't have stones, my gall bladder is still inflamed. They started an IV right away and the drugs were wonderful. It was the best I'd felt in days! Since the inflammation is not affecting my liver enzymes we are going to try and manage my pain through medication and the contractions of my gall bladder through diet until Elliette arrives, then they will remove it.

Between the diabetes and the gall bladder I'm definitely on a strict diet (no sugar, low carb and no fat). But I will do what's necessary for the baby to be born healthy - even if I am overwhelmed at the moment. I'm feeling much better today and hope that this is the end of our pregnancy complications. WHEW!

I told you it was a long story - but the road to recovery is starting to form little yellow bricks, and who knows, maybe it will lead me straight to Oz.

Snow Dayz

One of the beautiful perks of being a school teacher are the snow days. I'm just like a kid every time the weather gets a little dicey. I'm watching the weather forecast, I'm watching facebook for updates, and glued to local TV like it's crack cocaine, it's kinda ridiculous. That little feeling you get when you see your district's name pop up on the screen with "closed" is oh so satisfying. Yep - even as a teacher the news (or facebook) has the most recent updates. The automated system they use to inform teachers and parents works - but is SLOW.

We were dismissed early on Monday (due to nasty road conditions) and out yesterday and today again. We live on a gravel road that has what I would call a "bowl" of a hill at the very beginning. To make matters worse, the highway our gravel road is off of is seriously the last road in the county to get attention. So when it snows or ices, we are literally stuck at home. Even our 4 wheel drive vehicle might prove to be useless on our road. Of course Jon would totally disagree with me, but something about getting my 2 year old out in this weather (and me being pregnant) just seems silly. I say all that to relay that right now, even though I'm thoroughly enjoying being in my fat pants, I've got a bit of cabin fever. I had strict instructions from Jon that I was NOT to rearrange any furniture in the house by myself - there went setting up the nursery plans. I really can't start going through Harper's clothes until I get the furniture arranged because it would just be in the way. My laundry is caught up, my grading is finished, my house is as clean as Harper will allow it to be for being home all day, and I have every episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Dora the Explorer now memorized. To keep my spirits up, and my fat butt out of the kitchen I've decided to make a list of the reasons I love snow days. Enjoy!

10. Sleeping in on a cold winter day

9. Making a huge breakfast because you have nothing better to do

8. Eating all day long because you have nothing better to do

7. Spending 30 minutes bundling up yourself and your daughter for 10 minutes of play time in the frigid weather

6. Warm cookies and hot cocoa after it takes you 30 minutes to UN-bundle yourself and your daughter from the 10 minutes of play time in the frigid weather

5. Naps, they remind me of my college days

4. Getting to take apart and put together the same Mickey Mouse puzzle 56 times in a row. That may sound sarcastic, but it's not. It makes me laugh every time when we put the last piece in place and her little face lights up like she just solved a world crisis.

3. Catching up on a good book. In my case I've re-read a couple of books in the last few days

2. Having time to think about what you're going to make for dinner

AND the NUMBER 1 thing I LOVE ABOUT SNOW DAYS??

1. Getting to go to the bathroom when ever you feel like it! Trust me, when you're pregnant and you get exactly two times a day to pee - getting to go whenever you want is like icing on the cake!

Stay Warm!

The Binkley... GIRLS!

I broke down, I decided to find out if our new addition was going to be a bundle of blue or pink. After we dropped off Harper at Mamo's (Jon's mom) and started our haul to Columbia, Jon looked over and said "Ok, you're time for debate is up, what's it going to be?". The overwhelming curiosity got the best of me. Armed with a decision we made it to the specialist office.

The tech was super nice. You could tell she was really experienced. After a round of questions I finally laid down on the table and told her "Yes, I want to know if you can see the sex." I'm pretty sure she could tell I was hesitant because she asked me at least two more times if I really wanted to know! She began the daunting task of measuring all the bones, checking the arteries and all the other good things you get to see. I absolutely LOVE watching the baby for so long! It's such a treat to get to see the baby move on the TV screen as you feel it move in your belly. Most of the time when you get that tight stretching pain or sharp jab you have no idea if it's a foot or an arm (at least I don't). It's super cool to see which parts are actually where inside their little cocoons. After all the measuring was finished she still hadn't given us a clue about boy or girl.

When we had our ultrasound with Harper she laid her parts out first thing so it was the first thing the tech told us. We sat in the room for what seemed like hours and still hadn't heard. She finally told us the baby's legs were closed and it's butt was tucked down into my side. So after our echo with the doctor, she would take one last look before we left, but she wasn't comfortable giving us a definite answer. I told Jon "Maybe the baby is making my decision for me!" She left the room and Jon proceeded to give the baby a "pep talk" to entice it to move so he could know.

Our specialist came in and looked at the heart. Examining all four chambers from all kinds of views and then watching the blood flow to make sure it was all working properly (it was, thankfully). When he finished the tech told him she couldn't get a definite on boy or girl. He told us that he was a "baby chaser" and he would find out. After a few seconds he asked, "This is your second pregnancy, what do you have now?" After telling him we had a little girl he said "Well, looks like you're getting another one!". He then had to point out her lady parts to me. I swear no matter how long I look at an ultrasound I still get confused. ha! The baby moved her little legs apart just enough to show us!

We are so happy about not only adding another girl but that she is healthy and measuring right on track. We are so blessed! Baby Elliette is still scheduled to arrive around May 1.

New Year, New Changes!

I can honestly say I can't believe an entire year has passed! I'm so thankful for the year we've had, and can't wait to see what 2011 will bring.

My Christmas break went by way to quickly (as usual). This year we were really fortunate to have Jon home for our entire break from school! This was the first year since I've started teaching that Jon was able to take off the week between Christmas and New Year's. It was really nice to both be home. Our Christmas was really blessed with lots of gifts and family time. After all the holiday and birthday madness, Jon and I have decided to turn our office into a toy room. It truly is a sign that times are changing in our house. Now our office is full of stuffed animals, a kitchen set, puzzles, books and more! I'm just happy it's all confined to one area (sort of) instead of the entire living room!

I'm pretty sure I want to invent little toys that are magnetic, so all parents have to do when they put their toddler to bed is get out one of those huge magnets and suck the toys back to the toy room! I'm telling you I would be a millionaire! I could cut 25 minutes out of my life from picking up all the dishes, baby dolls, hair ties and teacups. It is quite fun to see her play. She's really into the imaginative play. She does her baby's hair and feeds her Minnie Mouse doll in her high chair (which she refuses to sit in because she's big).

This will be a big week for us as we finally get to have our big ultrasound! We probably won't make a decision on whether to find out boy or girl until we are sitting in the room. I just keep going back and forth on finding out! I know Jon will want to find out, but I'm pretty sure I can convince him to wait if I wanted to. I guess we'll know one way or the other after Tuesday!

I know this next year will bring us as much joy as 2010, I pray you and your family will feel just as blessed!