Book Club!

Recently some great friends at work decided it was time to start a book club. We all read such great books and let's face it 40 minutes of plan time is just not enough to discuss a book! Our first month's selection was Ellen's book Seriously I'm Kidding. I'm going to be honest, I was a terrible first month book club member and I didn't read it. Scold away.

Seriously...I'm Kidding

However, I kicked it up a notch this month and read this last month's selection which was Bill O'Reilly's book Killing Lincoln. I LOVED it. It was riveting, intriguing and I couldn't put it down!

Killing Lincoln

I will admit, I didn't know much about President Lincoln's assassination. I mean seriously I knew that John Wilkes Booth killed him. I'm very intrigued by President's and their administrations (mostly in the past, not so much the present ha!). I learned so much by reading this book! There were so many people in on the plan, so many people who helped it come to fruition and some serious conspiracy on who helped and slid by like they were none the wiser. If you're looking for a great read. I highly recommend it! What's next month's selection? I know you're dying to know...

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Inspired by the new movie coming out, we are reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I'll be sure to update the blog (since my sincere book club friends kindly reminded me I've been such the slacker, ha!) and let you know what I think!

Grace is All You Need

Elliette & Uncle Dustin

Let's just begin with how cute this picture is! Two peas in a pod aren't they? We had a great holiday weekend with family and truly enjoyed time off together. Jon and Harper stuffed their faces and Elliette and I were happy to see everyone.

We even had time to put up some Christmas decorations around the Binkley household

This week started with a trip to St. Louis to my doctor to determine the next course of action in my never ending saga of medical phenomenon . This trip provided us with new insight and a new direction for, well... life! My doctor feels that I have a combination of visceral hypersensitivity and sphincter of oddi dysfunction. Yep, try saying that three times fast! I will (in my non medical degree terms) try to break it down for you. My GI system is super sensitive to fat along with the sphincter that drains bile into the intestines not functioning properly. There are variations of the visceral hypersensitivity, mine (they feel) has to do with some of the abdominal pain I feel. The outcome? Well this part can get complicated. First, we are trying a new medication to hopefully calm the nerve endings in my GI system so they won't be so painful (allowing me to function like a normal human being, ha!). If this doesn't work, an ERCP (the procedure in which they stint the sphincter of oddi to clear it) will probably be done. The second part to this "diagnosis" is the simple fact my GI system can't handle large amounts of fat (medicated or not).

This was the hard one for me to swallow. The doctor informed me that the 30g of fat per day "diet" really isn't a diet at all, it's a lifestyle change. I was pretty upset and sort of absorbed in this news, as the days have passed it doesn't sting quite as much. I will view this as a blessing in disguise, I will keep a positive attitude, I will not become a burden to others or to myself and most importantly I will get healthy once again. For now, here is my new favorite verse to cling to daily. Until the next time...

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT) says:

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me

Giving Thanks

I know the picture is old, but my camera hasn't made it to the computer in a while.

God always has a way of humbling us doesn't he? When you think life doesn't get any worse OR you're simply on cloud 9 he always finds a way of showing you the opposite. At this time of year everyone is encouraged to stop and reflect on what we're thankful for. I will say in the last few weeks my abdominal pain has returned (let's just take a moment for a collective sigh...). I'm frustrated beyond belief and was extremely discouraged when my doctor in St. Louis put me on a 30g of fat per day diet 3 days before Thanksgiving. REALLY?!?

Then, just as my misery was all but missing a friend, I hop on Facebook to see a dear friend who has been fighting stage 4 cancer has taken a turn for the worse. Nick has been fighting cancer for the last few years and he is giving it everything his 27 year old body can give. This week he was placed in ICU and is not looking so hot. His facebook page has been flooded (literally flooded) with kind, encouraging words to help not only his spirits, but his family's as well. Yes, I felt so humbled by the thought that my 30g of fat rule on Thanksgiving was indeed something to be thankful for.

So with a heavy heart for a dear friend (and his family) I can honestly say that today I am thankful for my two beautiful and healthy girls, my adoring and ever patient husband, my loving and understanding family, and yes my health.

May each of you find yourselves humbled for the true blessings we have in life. I wish each of you a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Wholeheartedly Inspired

This summer a dear friend of mine asked me to attend a Women of Faith Conference with her in the fall. This dear friend has had an extremely difficult year and I believe her words to me were "I think this conference would do my heart some good". Wanting to be supportive, but also knowing I should do more to become a "Woman of Faith" I wholeheartedly agreed.

What I wasn't prepared for was the tremendous experience I had! I was laughing, I was crying and most importantly I discovered just how "empty" my cup had been. If you ever have the opportunity to attend one of these conferences, please do! It's amazing what 24 hours can do for the soul. In case you never do, here is what I received this weekend:
Andy Andrews is my new hero (I did finish his book Traveler's Gift last night and loved every last page) and his decisions for success helped change my perspective. Patsy Clairmont is a pint size ball of laughter and she revealed that our "Stained Glass" hearts are beautiful and not to be hidden. Mandisa's song "Broken Hallelujah" is my new favorite prayer. I had no idea Brenda Warner could be so inspiring, and I appreciated how openly she spoke.

Jill - thank you so much for asking me to go. My heart was more touched this weekend, than it has been in a long time, and I have you to thank for getting me there. I hope you had as much fun as I did.

I am the head and not the tail

I'm from above and not below

I will find favor with God and man

I was created in the image of God to do good things

and love people

-Brenda Warner

Change

I am a champion at change. Sometimes change is a thrill, other times change is daunting. I think Taylor Swift might have said it best in her song. For my pleasure I'll share the lyrics. The second verse is my personal favorite, enjoy!

"Change"

And it’s a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again and
You know it’s all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you’re getting sick of it
But I believe in whatever you do
And I’ll do anything to see it through

Because these things will change
Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
This revolution, the time will come
For us to finally win
And we’ll sing hallelujah, we’ll sing hallelujah

So we’ve been outnumbered
Raided and now cornered
It’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair
We’re getting stronger now
Find things they never found
They might be bigger
But we’re faster and never scared
You can walk away, say we don’t need this
But there’s something in your eyes
Says we can beat this

Because these things will change
Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
This revolution, the time will come
For us to finally win
And we’ll sing hallelujah, well sing hallelujah

Tonight we stand, get off our knees
Fight for what we’ve worked for all these years
And the battle was long, it’s the fight of our lives
But we’ll stand up champions tonight

It was the night things changed
Can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It’s a revolution, throw your hands up
Cause we never gave in
And we sang hallelujah, we sang hallelujah
Hallelujah

Truths

I find that my creative juices flow as soon as my head hits the pillow. I don't know why, it's like my brain dumps my day and out come all these fabulous ideas that have been shoved in the back. I usually think, "I should write that down", but I never do. Tonight I started thinking about all the things in life I know to be truths. They seemed trivial, but instead of just remembering them I thought I should write them down.

Truth: I haven't taken any sort of narcotic for pain in the past two days. It's been a long struggle with my gallbladder and the medical world. I'm happy to think that it could be over. I haven't been back to sort out all the details for my post-op but I'm ready to put this behind me.

Truth: After two surgical procedures for endometriosis,fertility treatments, two births and now the removal of an organ, I feel Jon should seriously consider a vasectomy. I'm just throwing that out there.

Truth: School systems are just screwy. I think teachers are blamed for a lot of stuff that's not entirely their fault. I agree that in my profession I should have a standard to be held to. I think educating a young mind is a fragile process that should be handled with care. However, I am not their parent, and if the parent isn't parenting, that's not my fault. Don't blame me for degenerate children that don't respect themselves. Let's blame the thousands of worthless people who are doing NOTHING for the betterment of their child. Let's blame those who verbally do not lift up their children every day like they should. Forget material things, LOVE YOUR KID! Then, just then, I might be able to do my JOB of EDUCATING your child. Whew - that one came from way back and had been pent up for too long. Sorry.

Truth: I do not care much about politics. For the sake of being a responsible adult I will read the news, but to be honest I usually skim the headlines, and go straight to the entertainment section. I deal with children arguing everyday, why would I want to read about big children arguing?! To be completely honest (and sorry mom) I don't have room in my brain for their bull sh*t. I have better things to do with my time.

Truth: I secretly want to work in the medical profession. I'm not intelligent enough for it, but I think it would be super entertaining.

Truth: Our air conditioner bit the dust yesterday, thankfully a great friend came to the rescue and got a new one installed today. As I sit in my COOLED house - I could not be more thankful for Willis Haviland Carrier, the inventor of COOL.

Truth: Hearing Harper and Elliette giggle makes me laugh. Harper sat in bed tonight and just giggled and giggled, finally we had to take some deep breaths because the two of us were laughing at nothing, it was the best!

Truth: Watching a show with someone via text message is actually better than watching it with them in person.

Truth: I miss singing in a choir, I should find the time to do that. Heck, I should just find time in general.

Truth: For the first time in 5 years, I'm not excited about going back to work next week.

Truth: I love a good hot pink pen, not red, not black or blue. HOT pink. One that shows up like red, but has that hint of raspberry. Seriously, who wouldn't want to read something written in HOT pink?

Truth: My brain is now empty, and my eyes are slowing starting to fall. Thanks for listening to tonight's brain dump!

Progression

I feel like time is moving so quickly, I just can't keep up! My time at home with the girls is dwindling, and I'll be honest in saying I'm heartbroken. When my maternity leave ended with Harper I was so ready to get back to work. This time, I just keep dreading it! Not that I didn't love staying home with Harper, but I think I know what to expect this time. The small guilt level that comes with being a teacher. You spend 90% of your day and 100% of your patience with someone else's child. It just makes you miss the small things you miss with your own. I don't think I could be a stay at home mom. I need a sense of purpose, but I do miss the quiet small times I've had with my girls this summer. Especially the naps and cuddling we've done.

My "health" has a light at the end of an ever long tunnel. When I last saw my general surgeon, she wanted me to see a gastroenterologist. Just making sure she didn't overlook something, a new set of eyes. The one she wanted me to see couldn't see me until mid August (my last appointment with her was at the end of June). In the mean time, my pain started to get worse. My wonderful family pulled their resources and got me into a doctor in the St. Louis area. I saw her last week. Her conclusion was that the sphincter between the gallbladder and the small bowel, spasms. They don't know what causes it, but there is a surgical stint they can place in there to relax the muscle, and prevent it from causing pain. Patients with this condition present just like they have gall bladder disease. You have no idea the relief I felt knowing that someone out there knew where the pain was coming from, and more importantly - knew how to STOP it.

Jon and I are so thankful this crazy year is kinda calming down. I can't begin to express to you what a great daddy he is. I know why God gave him two little girls. He has the best heart of any man I know. I've been greatly reminded this year of what a great choice I made (ha!). He has been steadfast, patient, caring, and most of all the loving man I fell in love with many years ago. I don't brag on him nearly enough.

This next week(end) we are helping family/friends celebrate Brent and Diane's nuptials! We are so excited! You must be familiar with that bible verse "what Kali hath joined together let no man put asunder" :-) I really had nothing to do with it, but I'll take matchmaking credit! I can't wait to watch Diane officially become family!!

Until then, I'm enjoying every last minute with my three favorite people Jon, Harper and Ellie.