Complications

First comes love then comes marriage, then comes ..... oh wait, sometimes babies don't come. It's no surprise to those who know us that Jon and I had a difficult time conceiving Harper, and two years later, here we are again.

When I was 16 I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. This is a common condition that from day one of my diagnosis I was told that having children would not be easy. Infertility is what I would call a silent suffering. It's not something everyone feels comfortable sharing. I've dealt with it for so long, I'm ready to share my side of the story. So ... here it is.

I've always had this overwhelming fear that I wouldn't be able to have children. It's like this gut feeling that lays in the pit of your stomach and surfaces when you're finally ready to have kids. Jon and I waited until we started trying - we wanted a marriage before we had a family. The monthly disappointment when those tests only have one line are sometimes the most heart wrenching  feelings. Your hormones are going crazy anyway during that time of the month, and you can't help but feel inadequate. In my profession your heart only aches more when you see the kids walk through your door day after day who are not loved at home like you would love them. When we became pregnant with Harper (without the help of others) it was like a wave of both relief and gratitude. 

Two years later we decided to try again. This time, I've dealt with the constant struggle of how far do I want to go to try for another or just be happy with what I have. My current doctor is the most amazing woman. She made me feel comforted and supported. I've been very happy. She decided to send me to a specialist recently. Today we saw that specialist. Consensus: I'm ridden with Endometriosis. He was very confident that with another laparoscopic procedure we will have a great chances of conceiving again. Another wave of relief (a small wave - but a wave none the less).  I have hope that we can do this again. and if it doesn't happen I'll be perfectly happy with the one I'm blessed with now. 

To those others who are silently suffering like myself, I know that no matter what someone tells you - you hurt, and although you are genuinely happy for new mothers - a part of your heart breaks each time you see a newborn baby.  Please know - you are not alone. Through my journey I've learned that you just take one day at a time, crying is perfectly acceptable and that hurt only lasts as long as you let it. 

Summertime!

Best part of being a teacher other than snow days? Yep - two full months of summer break! Well I guess I shouldn't say "full" months, but it's a great vacation! My summer vacay didn't start so swell. Our students were gone on Tuesday, the 25th, I was out of there on Wednesday at noon. It was a such a great feeling. On Thursday I spent the day with my nephews at the pool. We had a great time. 

Thursday night, I started getting a sore throat and by Friday morning I was Siicckk!  I mean it was so bad that I had to cancel my cut and color, which was already postponed once (my highlights are getting a bit embarrassing).  I called my mother to watch Harper and I slept on the couch and fought fever all day. It was miserable. I ended up at Urgent Care on Saturday morning. The verdict? Strep Throat. I haven't had strep this bad since student teaching and even then I don't think it was this bad. I really couldn't eat again until Monday. I couldn't use my full voice until Monday, and really stopped having pain on Tuesday afternoon. MIS-ER-ABLE! 

Today I spent the day scrubbing my house of the "strep" germs. I actually feel like a human again, and I'm ready to enjoy my time off! Which will be shortly lived b/c I have to work three days next week and then two days the week after. But June 18th I'm officially finished with that place until August (or really more like the end of July). You just can't keep yourself away. ha!

Harper is growing up so fast. I can't believe each time I look at her that she's already so big. Which by the way is her new favorite thing to tell us. She'll scream at Jon from down the hall saying: "Daddy! I'm big!" It just might be the cutest thing you've ever heard. I never hear "Mom" unless she's mad (and usually it's at me b/c Jon caters to her every need, she has him so wrapped around her precious little pinky). 

We have no large plans for the summer. Dare I say the siding is "Almost" finished, I'm hoping sooner rather than later. He really doesn't have much to finish. I'm deeply into the new Laura Bush memoir, which is a much slower read than I anticipated, but still intriguing. I'm looking forward to lazy days and fun weekends with family and friends. 

Let Summertime begin!